I’m a good worker. I’ve always said that about myself. Over time, I’ve learned about the connection my brain has made between my self-identification of being “a good worker” and the term “hard work”. What I found was that I had a misrepresented view of what “a good worker” is, and a toxic perception of the term “hard work”. Let’s step back and I’ll explain.

Being “A Good Worker”

There are many childhood memories I can recall where I was praised for my participation in a chore.

“Wow, you’re so good at cleaning that table!”, or

“You’re the only one who cleans the toilet the right way!”, or

“You did so good dusting the shelves!”

It felt good, of course, to receive positive praise from my mother. What translated was the message that I was a good worker! If I show up and do the work that’s asked of me, I’m rewarded with acceptance from someone whose acceptance I desire. That feedback loop is potent and effective!

I don’t view this experience as traumatic or negative. I view it simply as a parent conditioning their child to learn responsibility and helpfulness. These positive feedback loops in my mind morphed over adolescence and adulthood to embody a feeling of deep fulfillment from a job well done, especially if it pleased others. I developed a passion for delivering quality work that met or surpassed expectations. Because I was positively rewarded for this throughout my young life, I’m now an adult who proudly identifies as “a good worker”. The conditioning in my childhood instilled in me a drive for doing a good job and receiving external validation for it. I developed a passion for delivering quality work that met or surpassed the expectations of others.

What’s detrimental about this “good worker” identity is that every choice I made in my early adulthood was measured against that identity. When it came to starting or quitting sports, schools, or jobs, every decision was evaluated for its compatibility with reinforcing my identity as “a good worker”.

It gets even more complex when we combine this neural pathway and self-belief with the potentially toxic context of “hard work”.

“Hard Work”

When I think of hard work, I think of my dad. He was a road construction laborer for most of my early childhood. In my adolescence, he transferred from a field worker to an office employee. He moved his way up the organization ladder on account of his adept skillset. He developed this skillset over decades of “hard work”. For my father, hard work looked like long, exhausting days in a profession that ignited zero passion but paid the bills. Stay with me.

This is a reality that, frankly, is necessary for all of us. We all have to pay the bills. We all have to show up when we don’t want to show up. I’m not discounting those facets of reality. However, there is something to said for adopting this type of “hard work” as our lifelong staying point. Specifically, I’m saying that I disagree with giving our entire existence to this type of “hard work”.

At some point, before decades have passed by, a person needs to question if the “hard work” they are doing is the work they should be doing. What determines the type of work we “should” be doing? What’s the measuring instrument for that?

Fulfilling Work

Fulfilling work is different than hard work. Let me give you a real-life example.

My mom was passionate about teaching children. Her most enjoyable age group to teach was 2nd-grade children (ages 7 & 8). However, she recognized the importance of child education at all ages. Her passion for child education started at a young age – 17 – when she gave birth to her first child. She navigated life as a young adult, and fulfilled her dream of having a big family of her own. She met and married my dad, who had a child from a prior marriage. Together, she and my dad had two more kids; me and my younger brother. My mom did her best to learn as much as she could to help all four of her children develop.

Her journey wasn’t easy. It took my mom 17 years to earn her Associate Degree. Another 10 or so years after that until she had completed both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Tack on a few more years for the credentialing program required for teachers, and she was finally able to get a job as a teacher. Her work didn’t stop there. My mom had a knack for bringing out the best in the most underserved student groups. Deaf children, high schoolers on native reservations, and children with behavioral challenges. She never complained about the demands of her job nor the children she had to teach. She worked 12 hour days, used her own income to keep her classroom supplied, and even took jobs that were hours away from our hometown.

If that story doesn’t scream “hard work”, then I don’t know what else would. But there’s a difference in this story regarding the type of work my mom did. The difference is that she loved what she did for work. Her work was not only a job, but it was also her vocation.

Your Vocation

A vocation is a strong feeling of suitability for a particular career or occupation (Oxford Dictionary). It’s a craft that someone is especially drawn to and has the characteristics that are suitable for the work. I can hear the naysayers now: “Well Michelle, not all of us are lucky enough to find our vocation.” To that I say, we don’t know that. We don’t know that because not everybody tries.

Trying to find the work that is most fulfilling to you is more difficult now than ever before. To find work that’s fulfilling, you need to experience a smattering of activities or jobs. Most of us don’t do that until we’re in our 20s. By then, we’re already in college just trying to get a degree so we can find a decent income. Really, it isn’t until after college when we start exploring possible subjects that could qualify as a potential vocation. By the time we may or may not have honed in on something that we are especially drawn to and are well-suited for, we’re in our 30s and 40s! Trying to change course at that age is terrifying for many people, so they don’t do it. They stay on the path they started, even after they know it’s not the fulfilling work they’d rather spend the next 30 years doing.

Did that sound familiar to you? If so, I encourage you to really think about your situation. Is there room for you to investigate other types of work you’d rather do for the next few decades? Look, we’re all going to work. I’m not advocating for a life devoid of real work. Quite the opposite – I’m advocating for a life that is energized by working relentlessly at a particular craft.

Give yourself permission to be curious about a subject that doesn’t align with the “good worker” identity. We’re not machines. We are creative beings, and that doesn’t always mean “artsy”. Being creative encompasses invention and innovation, too. It simply means seeing something anew, and exploring it further.

When you find a subject that draws you in and you feel energized by the work, keep exploring it! The work required won’t feel as hard because it will be eclipsed by the feeling of fulfillment.